It looks like my boyfriend's "Cats: The Silent Menace" article wasn't accepted. However, the editing staff did say they loved what they saw and "strongly encourage [him] to try again...and hope [they can] find an opportunity to work together in the future."
Not Bad.
On another note, i have a hard time sleeping through the night because our apartment was built in the 1930s and has no insulation. this means i hear the garbage shoot at 11pm, the neighbors clomping up the stairs at 2am, and the garbage collector at 4am. Sometimes I put in earplugs to cancel out sound and other times I leave the tv on as white noise.
Two nights ago, at 4am, the garbage guy was beeping away but the tv was still on and there was this great song playing. It roused me further from my slumber and I had to find out what amazing band was performing at Austin City Limits. It turns out it was a scene from "My Life As Liz" where Liz was performing Band of Horses' "The Funeral" at her school's talent show. Her cover was so hauntingly good that it kept me up for a few more hours.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Cat Scratch Fever
Today's JOD was supplied by my boyfriend, who I now realize gets me because we're both silly as hell. Below is an article he actually submitted to a professional site that publishes experts' articles on topics such as "Cat Scratching".
Cat scratching is a nuisance and an epidemic that has been sweeping the country since the dawn of upholstered furniture. As an expert on all matters feline (I served as the United States Special Cat Envoy to the Republic of Catistan), I have an uncommon understanding of the source of cat scratching. Buckle up, things are about to get hairy.
The primary reasons that cats scratch is due to the fact that cats and furniture have been enemies since the dawn of time. The origin of this conflict lies in territorial disputes over the ancestral borders of Catistan; cats claim that their borders should stretch across the Iberian Peninsula. Furniture was unavailable to comment.
What is clear is that cats will extract their revenge on furniture regardless of the cost of the furniture or the audience who is privy to the scratching. Who could forget the State Department dinner when the Foreign Minister of Cultural Affairs for Catistan, Mr. Steven ‘Boots’ Cheshire III, raked his claws across President Carter’s trusted counselor, Leather Recliner Chair? Certainly not President Carter nor the American people.
Another reason that cats scratch furniture is due to the fact that cats are bored with their cloistered lives in many American homes. Cats and their obnoxiously cute offspring, commonly referred to as kittens and uncommonly referred to as Fluff Nuggets, have a tremendous capacity to analyze complex problems. Engage your cat with complex calculus problems. Challenge him to a game of Risk. Set your cat up with a stack of classic English Literature. Whatever you do, make sure that your cat is occupied. After all, a bored cat is a destructive cat.
And the final and most unsettling reason that cats scratch furniture is to keep their claws razor sharp for the inevitable cat overthrow of the American government. Cats are always at a heightened state of combat readiness, constantly sharpening their weapons to be ready for the call from the Grand Czar of Cat Invasion, General Olaf Caterson.
Many Americans assume that cats are lazy, no good consumers of sunshine and delicious cat food (food that could be used to feed undernourished American families mind you). Cats reinforce this notion by sleeping up to 16 hours a day and hypnotizing Americans with their lazy cat eyes. Don’t fall for their trickery! Vigilance and Education are the 2 keys to turning back the inevitable cat uprising that is threatening the sovereignty of the American people! Fight back against your cat by keeping him unfit with generous portions of lasagna. Dave knew how to fight against the threat of Garfield and so should you! Remember, a fat cat is a slow cat, and a slow cat makes an easy target on a battlefield.
Cat scratching is a nuisance and an epidemic that has been sweeping the country since the dawn of upholstered furniture. As an expert on all matters feline (I served as the United States Special Cat Envoy to the Republic of Catistan), I have an uncommon understanding of the source of cat scratching. Buckle up, things are about to get hairy.
The primary reasons that cats scratch is due to the fact that cats and furniture have been enemies since the dawn of time. The origin of this conflict lies in territorial disputes over the ancestral borders of Catistan; cats claim that their borders should stretch across the Iberian Peninsula. Furniture was unavailable to comment.
What is clear is that cats will extract their revenge on furniture regardless of the cost of the furniture or the audience who is privy to the scratching. Who could forget the State Department dinner when the Foreign Minister of Cultural Affairs for Catistan, Mr. Steven ‘Boots’ Cheshire III, raked his claws across President Carter’s trusted counselor, Leather Recliner Chair? Certainly not President Carter nor the American people.
Another reason that cats scratch furniture is due to the fact that cats are bored with their cloistered lives in many American homes. Cats and their obnoxiously cute offspring, commonly referred to as kittens and uncommonly referred to as Fluff Nuggets, have a tremendous capacity to analyze complex problems. Engage your cat with complex calculus problems. Challenge him to a game of Risk. Set your cat up with a stack of classic English Literature. Whatever you do, make sure that your cat is occupied. After all, a bored cat is a destructive cat.
And the final and most unsettling reason that cats scratch furniture is to keep their claws razor sharp for the inevitable cat overthrow of the American government. Cats are always at a heightened state of combat readiness, constantly sharpening their weapons to be ready for the call from the Grand Czar of Cat Invasion, General Olaf Caterson.
Many Americans assume that cats are lazy, no good consumers of sunshine and delicious cat food (food that could be used to feed undernourished American families mind you). Cats reinforce this notion by sleeping up to 16 hours a day and hypnotizing Americans with their lazy cat eyes. Don’t fall for their trickery! Vigilance and Education are the 2 keys to turning back the inevitable cat uprising that is threatening the sovereignty of the American people! Fight back against your cat by keeping him unfit with generous portions of lasagna. Dave knew how to fight against the threat of Garfield and so should you! Remember, a fat cat is a slow cat, and a slow cat makes an easy target on a battlefield.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
excuse me, that's my red swingline stapler.
I'm not in love with my job. I treat it as a paycheck and it makes me miserable for all the right reasons:
I feel I'm trapped due to a bad economy. management laid off 99% of my favorite co-workers. I get paid less than the day I started (2 years ago), yet I have way way more responsibilities. It's a dead end job because I'm about to hit my glass-ceiling. I'm highly under appreciated and it shows when people are rude and aggressive towards me, yet management doesn't care to regulate said unprofessional behavior. So basically it stinks!
Moreover, there's this one person who is my office nemesis. She's a compulsive interrupter, talks non-stop about herself, doesn't listen to others, takes credit for my ideas, and makes several anti-Semitic remarks (management hasn't done anything about this either). I must be a saint for saving her life (I'm not even joking. i literally saved this girls life by rushing her to a Dr. all the while she was convulsing and had shallow, short, almost non-existent breathing patterns!! i find it hard to believe she'd return the favor.)
So I've hatched this evil plan for when I finally move on from this job.
This is not like setting the office building on fire, but when I leave I'll reset all her phone's auto-dial buttons to sexy 900 numbers, or the like. Since no one knows about this VOIP system that I control, I think they'll have a hard time figuring out how to reprogram.
I know, it's juvenile, but i gotta have a little fun when i leave, right?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
this will make you pee your pants
If you like to read the twitter, "shit my dad says", then you'll like my friend's new blog, mama's mouth words.
Totally Awesome!
Totally Awesome!
Bring on the Payne!
When i was in high school a bunch of my friends discovered this great new novel by Harvard grad, C.D. Payne called Youth in Revolt. it was a tome compared to what i was used to reading in school (about 900 pages from what i remember), but it was the fastest read of my life. None of us could put the book down! (plus it probably helped with our SAT vocabulary).
The protagonist, Nick Twisp, is a loquacious self-proclaimed genius 14-year old suburban boy trying desperately to lose his virginity to his unrequited love, Sheena, while rebelling against his jerk parents and any authority. Show me the teenager who wouldn't be consumed with this kind of story?
Now, about15 years later (am i that old?) and they finally made a movie and released this as a blockbuster to the world (yesss!!!).
Because this book played a part of my adolescent identity, i'm sensitive and proud of it... (but i have yet to see the movie.)
So, my friend casually brings up in conversation that she and her new quasi-boyfriend agreed that he's supposed to see a "chick flick" with her. This is our conversation on the subject:
Friend: oh! do you consider Youth in Revolt to be a chick flick? because (my guy) said it's a chick flick i'm like, um, no.
me: i consider youth in revolt to be AWESOME
Friend: YES ME TOO
me: i mean ok i loved that book and im a chick, but it's just transcendentally downright good. it's not anything like a chicky-romantic comedy
Friend: yeah, i didn't think so either
me: it's honing in on a young indie audience. (your guy) lost points.
Friend: i think he's just saying that so it can be used as his "chick flick" movie that he has to watch with me
me: yeah, no. it's about a kid trying to lose his virginity while revolting against asshole parents/authority; that is NOT a chick flick
Friend: yeah, i was trying to explain it to him. i think he just doesn't want to watch Leap Year haha
me: in the book there's this one part where he and his best friend want to see what it's like for a girl to give a BJ, and they test it on one another and his mom walks in....
Friend: hahaha i bet that's not in the movie
me: should be. would be awesome
Friend: (my guy) doesn't even know what the movie is about
me: then he's dumb
So i'm probably being way harsh Tai (may Brittany Murphy rest in peace), but you gotta admit he's gonna lose this one.
Friday, January 8, 2010
JOD
I'm just pumping these blogs out lately!
So my brother and i have this thing we call the JOD (Joke Of the Day) to help break up the drudgery of the workday.
His JOD to me 8jan10:
my law school friend and neighbor married a tall, tight-body blonde; kind of a butter face. she's sweet. i like her.
her facebook status: i told my coworker i love my new hdtv and he said it's good i didn't get an hd mirror.
REUHHHHHEUUUDDDD (sound it out).
One of my other favorites is a few years old, but it's also yet to be realized...:
A few years back my brother and i were hanging out and he said that he couldn't wait until his friend Mark Wang proposes to his girlfriend.
I'm like that's sweet, but why do you care?
He said that he has a killer engagement gift for them.
Me: oh yeah? what's that?
Him: Well, you should know that Mark's girlfriend's name is Mai (pronounced "My") and I'm gonna make them custom matching tee shirts with her full married name printed on it, "Mai Wang", except on hers will be an arrow pointing up at her face, and on his will be an arrow pointing down toward his belt.
and i thought my friend RdR had a good married name (which is totally a palindrome)!
So my brother and i have this thing we call the JOD (Joke Of the Day) to help break up the drudgery of the workday.
His JOD to me 8jan10:
my law school friend and neighbor married a tall, tight-body blonde; kind of a butter face. she's sweet. i like her.
her facebook status: i told my coworker i love my new hdtv and he said it's good i didn't get an hd mirror.
REUHHHHHEUUUDDDD (sound it out).
One of my other favorites is a few years old, but it's also yet to be realized...:
A few years back my brother and i were hanging out and he said that he couldn't wait until his friend Mark Wang proposes to his girlfriend.
I'm like that's sweet, but why do you care?
He said that he has a killer engagement gift for them.
Me: oh yeah? what's that?
Him: Well, you should know that Mark's girlfriend's name is Mai (pronounced "My") and I'm gonna make them custom matching tee shirts with her full married name printed on it, "Mai Wang", except on hers will be an arrow pointing up at her face, and on his will be an arrow pointing down toward his belt.
and i thought my friend RdR had a good married name (which is totally a palindrome)!
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