Beyond Our Conscious World

I studied abroad in England almost a decade ago where I encountered a funny little British elfish professor whose discourse mainly consisted of understanding the phenomenological mind and how it connects to the material world.  Needless to say at first it was a stretch for me to process these "new" ideas.  Then I recall the day it all clicked.  I was reading one of his books and seemingly out of nowhere I no longer struggled to understand his ideas.  It was the first course I took where I finally learned how to understand the material being taught.  My understanding went beyond concepts - I finally was thinking critically, metaphorically and attempting to apply it to my life.  Without knowing it this professor opened my eyes and mind to philosophy of psychology.  There is a world beyond our own and we impact one another in ways which we can not process without disclosure or extreme hyper awareness which is basically impossible.  Anyway, he'll never know how grateful I am as I venture to become a psychotherapist (and maybe one day a psychologist).

Thank you Dr. M. Velmans!

Max Velmans from Jaguar Mary on Vimeo.

Prediction=True

Just as I predicted, Kate Middleton chose a more modest dress that covered her arms and bust, similar to the style of Grace Kelly.  Classic and very choice.
To see more of this coverage, click here.

Side note: Kate looks all smiles during the ceremony, what's wrong with Will?  Was his upper lip not limber enough to allow his British teeth to make an appearance, or was it something more than that?

Prediction

I predict when Kate Middleton marries Prince William, she'll wear a more modest wedding gown, most likely covering her arms and neck. This will change the current trend of wedding gowns with exposed decolletage. I for one am excited for this change, if it happens.
We shall see...




Image: Princess Grace Kelly

First Paper

Wikipedia: Kathoey.

Can We Have Gender Equality?

Throughout life males and females of all cultures experience gender stereotypes. It is no secret that cultures’ collective attitudes are perpetuated through gender based comments and behaviors. However, gender discrepancies vary depending on the culture and era’s zeitgeist. Still, no matter how much we recognize gender stereotype’s falsehoods, the collective unconscious attitudes still exist and maintain a stronghold of even the most seemingly progressive gender-neutral people.

Cognitively people like to categorize and define anything in life. It helps one to understand a potentially chaotic world by creating patterns and expectations. When expectations are met, it allows us to react efficiently and appropriately, and most importantly, it sets our emotions at ease. This includes compartmentalizing human beings. The day we are born, people treat and teach us our gender roles based on our respective sex. Children pick up on this information easily and prefer to gender stereotype. For example, when I was a child in the 1980s, I was watching MTV and was confused by Boy George. My mother tried her best to put in layman’s terms that Boy George is, in fact, a boy, but likes to dress up like a girl. Still not grasping the novel concept, she attempted to set my mind at ease by stating that Boy George is confused and that I am not. My mom knew Boy George was not confused, but later told me that kids first try to grasp life’s fundamentals before they experience and learn the exceptions to the rules. She believed that at my age I would have a very hard time understanding this concept, but knew as I matured, I would understand Boy George was comfortable portraying to the world his gender-bending personality. This is when I realized gender roles are learned and perpetuated by society. Sex is fixed; gender is fluid. Sex is universal; gender is contextual. Sex is nature; gender is nurture. Not everyone has to fit into society’s gender molds. Still, people learn by compartmentalization, and when patterns are interrupted, they become uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. It is a threat to their basic understanding of the world and to society because it interrupts the collective unconscious. This is why gender bending is so shocking. However, it does not have to be if we are taught early on not to define sex by gender-specified behaviors.

I was a teenager during the 1990s in America when girls did not have to fit into a feminine role. Riot Grrrl music was on the rise, Grunge was slowly fading out but women were still attractive by being androgynous, dirtier, and exude a masculine edge. Although it was generally accepted at this time to be a girl who acted like a boy, I wished I were a boy instead. Firstly, I thought because masculinity was projected by both genders in pop culture, then being feminine or a girl was undesirable. Secondly, and most importantly, I witnessed how boys were respected to finish thoughts in conversations by not being interrupted. In spite of this, my mom continuously tried to change me. Instead of wearing baggy jeans, she preferred I dress more femininely, set my hair in curlers as she did as a teenager, and wear more makeup. I rebelled. I explained that if a guy was attracted to me, or if I were to receive any respect, it would be because of my intellect and wit, not my appearance. She rebutted that first impressions are the gateway to respect and guys are attracted to women first by their beauty, then you keep them with your intellect and wit. Later on I discovered that maybe there was some truth to her statement. I noticed I received more positive attention when I feminized my appearance. That was when I decided to change. I wanted that attention from society, so I had to learn how to give society what they preferred, a more feminine looking woman. From this, I further questioned why getting what I wanted from society meant I needed to fit into what society wanted from me.

Why do Americans prefer to seek traditional gender roles and marginalize the few instead of accepting all? Why is it that gender differences plague adults in the way men are supposed to be strong leaders and women dependent on them? For example, my friend Rosy received pejorative criticism about the course of her life and she reacted sharply by stating, “I am a young, vivacious, attractive, well educated, and well-traveled woman. I have a B.A., I speak four languages, I’ve lived abroad, I’m a Fulbright fellow, I have a good job, I’m fully independent where I don’t have to rely on anyone for anything, and I have great relationships with family and friends. But none of that counts because I’m not married and I don’t have kids.” Rosy’s complaint is a frustrated reaction on how society perpetuates existing gender discrepancies and how they are valued. When American culture has come so far to allow women like Rosy to be as independent as a man is supposed to be, why is she still valued in a traditional way? I believe the answer lies in several psychological theories, including Evolutionary, Socio-Cultural, and Cognitive theories. Our primal instincts help us pick a proper mate, but not necessarily in matching us with someone youthful or healthy. Why are young men and women attracted to Mick Jagger - an aging, womanizing, ex-drug addict whose skin seemingly will drip off his skeleton? Instead, I believe evolution’s influence on cognition and society coincides so that we prefer to protect those who exemplify qualities we value. We favor people who fit into our schema, and are therefore nonthreatening. Although Jagger pushes boundaries, he has mass appeal because he exudes what we know as masculine by being confident, successful, and independent. Furthermore, the cultures that idolize Jagger also value personal expression. He follows these guidelines well and is therefore sexually desirable. Regardless, culture’s traditional gender roles may take generations to change or unlearn. Stereotypes are closely tied to identity and civilization’s survival, and unless it is taught early on, society might never fully change to gender neutrality.

One time in my life I valued males over females. As I matured, my schema shifted when I continued to question why gender differences mattered. I realized it perpetuates a culture’s existence. Traditions thrive because familiarity to our values is nonthreatening. So as long as we understand this, American society may change by not teaching and rewarding equating current gender characteristics with the respective sex. Hopefully gender equality will be valued instead.

9/11

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

I live in a good Country. A Country that is founded on the basis of struggle in hopes to live in a just and free world. A world that promotes human rights that are defined by man being created equal in the eyes of a higher power (and if you do not believe in G-d, then just by being born) and not defined by ourselves under our prejudicial limitations. That we all have a chance to grab destiny by our grip and pursue our wants, needs and dreams. This comes with the responsibility to pursue a life we want without holding others down so that they may be granted the same rights we have been granted, just by being born. I want us to remember these rights that were thought of by the enlightenment philosophers and the suffering and plight that continued for generations before and after our forefathers wrote down on parchment what these rights are in our Country, and what the meaning behind all of this is and is not. It's our duty to continue this idea for ourselves and hold this mentality up for others as well. These are human rights, not just American rights. Do not be confused, I am not suggesting amnesty for those who do not hold up their part of this. But today is a day of reflection in America. I suggest we stand back to allow yourself to comprehend and remember the lessons of which today reminds us of why and how this Country is so great and to bring peace to all man.

promote things i love

when I first moved to SF in 2007, i came across an article about a french artist who designs and paints graphics onto women's vintage shoes. I wanted to either purchase or commission him to make a pair of my own, but never got around to it. Since then his work has grown quite a bit and all of the shoes are just as incredible as the next!
because of cyberspace it's been easy to follow his talent beyond shoes. his creativity shows even when experimenting with other mediums and working as a collaborator. If you haven't heard of him, I thought i'd share the inspiration with you all.
Ladies and gentlemen: Monsier Ndeur/Mathieu Missiaen.

I am not alone here.

The old adage, "If you want something done, give it to a busy person" usually rings true, however there are times when this hypothesis does not hold up. Case in point:

Maybe it's the type A's v the lazies? The ambitious v ambivalent? The haves v the have-nots?

In any case, I think Hyperbole and a Half's blog post sums it up pretty well.

ps- thanks again and again to my friend at ThePlusSizePug for introducing me, and now you, to this awesome blog!

30 before 30

My good friend, RdR, has inspired me to create my very own 30-things-I-want-to-do-before-I-turn-30-years-old list. If I can't cross-off all of these things from this list by Oct. 29th, well, I'll give myself an extension: Dec. 31st.

1. Apply to graduate schools!!!!
2. Celebrate my double-15th birthday with a quinceañera themed party.
3. Travel to NY with the bf and experience his NYC.
4. Lose those pesky 5 lbs.
5. Get a job in the mental health industry (or at least get a good job if I'm volunteering in the mental health sector.)
6. Join a dance class. Jazz please!
7. Reorganize and de-clutter the home office.
8. Host a nice party at my home with good friends.
9. Go out clubbing with my girls once a month! (This does not happen as often as I want)
   
10. Cut down on my TV addiction.
11. Introduce Mike to Nana.
12. Make a skirt from scratch.
13. Get better about managing my investments.
14. Start carrying my mobile on me again.
    
15. If I can afford it, either take more spin classes or pilates.
16. Find a great indoor hanging potter for our plants.
17. Be better about talking regularly to friends and family, near and far.
18. Get stuff out of my AZ storage.
19. Organize our magazines, cds, and dvds.
20. Draw or paint a picture for the apt. and hang it.
    
21. Do laundry more often (before I get down to my last pair of undies).
22. Get my CA driver's license. (breakin' the law, breakin' the law).
23. Organize online photos.
24. Fix my computer (or at least get a new one).
25. When said computer is fixed, make a cd for Mike's dad.
26. Backup files on external hard drive.
27. Take public transportation more often.
    
28. Hang out with my siblings in SD and get to know sister-in-law better. (I just visited with my Chi sib).
29. Go through a week without mentioning anything negative about my mind, body, or abilities.
30. Find a local coffee shop/library with comfortable furniture and work from there.
    
    

is life really what you make it?

I have a theory on life. Yes, I'm about "get all meta" on you, as my boyfriend would say.

The theory is best described through the example of the "Choose Your Own Adventure" (CYOA) books that were popular with pre-adolescent boys in the 1980s. These books began like any other book, giving the reader a buildup to a story. When the plot starts to form, the reader "creates their own tale" by choosing an option of how they would like to proceed in the novel. For example, if the protagonist comes to a fork in the road, the reader is given the choice to go left or go right. If they want to go left, then turn to page 99; if you choose to turn right, turn to page 74. From there, the reader will continue a storyline and proceed like this throughout the book until they either end up happily ever after, or die. More often than not they die. But the point is that the reader actively creates their own fate and discovers the consequences already predetermined by the text.

Like the CYOA books, I believe that we all have the choice and act of free will to do anything in our lives, however there are predetermined outcomes for these actions. an endless variety of fates, if you will.

I came to this hypothesis when I was the most hyper-aware and happy in my life. I started to notice that there were several small reoccurring coincidences. This I found to be almost like "markers" letting me know that I was on the right track to live out a "happily ever after" destiny instead of winding up miserable or dead.

I bring this up because my friend has a new man in her life. Not that's huge news for those who don't know her, but there might be a reason outside of her own control on why this happened and here's the coincidence to explain:

My friend's mother bought my friend some peonies the other day, just because. sweet huh? well, a few days later my friend tells me the news that she and this new guy are on a good track. So far, no coincidence to speak of. Then today, I happened upon this article about how Peonies are the flower that will bring you love. I don't want to say that this is her future husband, but I think she is on the right track right now for a relaxed and enjoyable romance that will make her happy.

What do you think? Is there some truth to my CYOA theory?

Quote of the Day

"You're so 'liberal arts' with your journal. I'll make you an excel spreadsheet."

-my ex-coworker, an engineer, who scoffed at my suggestion to keep a journal for posterity on her 2 week European vacation.

Zee Germans beat me at my own game!

About a year ago when my boyfriend started working in social video gaming I came up with a really great game idea: A homeless game (it didn't have to be for social sites). The bf was intrigued and wanted to learn more.

Over a romantic dinner we talked all about the details: As the gamer, you are a bum living on the street. Your goal is to stay alive, but you'll have a hard time reaching any success. You can do things like try to avoid drugs, or score drugs, find and keep a dog companion, make sure your possessions don't get stolen while you sleep, find and keep sleeping arrangements, figure out how to make money, etc. you get the picture. I provided the ideas and he relayed how it can be practical in relation to game theory. In the end this was a strategy-driven game and a social-commentary on how the other half live.

Well, turns out that the pessimists are right: no one has a unique thought.

To my dismay, a new hobo game has been released by some German company. It's a social role-playing game called "Street Rivals" where you're a bum and you can fight other bums, recycle bottles, and go dumpster diving.

Ugh. I'm so BUMMED! I wish the bf and I produced my game first! Well, maybe there's a chance since the two aren't exactly alike but have similar premises? What do you think?

I think on vacation

You know how you go on vacation and you typically sight-see, party, chill whatever...
You know what I do? I go to networking events and talk to local politicians, that's what I do, sukka!

But it's a better story than that:

My longtime friend from college, who now lives in the UK, is in charge of finding the funds for this one rich socialite power lesbian's new political campaign in London called, "The Commons." The politician is a highly motivated 25-year-old who has no idea what she's really doing, but she has the courage, verve, and optimism to do it anyway. You know the kind? ugh.

I spent that afternoon visiting my friend, doing the typical vacation things (drinking, eating, catching up on life stories) and before too long she has to head to a networking event for work and I decide to join her. She sneaks me in, and I make my way around the cocktail hour telling people that I can't do anything to bolster their careers because I'm an American on holiday. It seemed to break the ice on small talk at least.

After chit-chat, we made our way into the adjacent auditorium where there is a panel of speakers. The topic is how internet's social networking sites (i.e. Twitter, Facebook) are being used in their elections. One panel speaker is an American from the Obama campaign, the rest are Brits, two of whom are MPs (The equivalent of our US Senators, but much more outlandishly rude in the House of Commons).

While the panel is talking about things like "Social sites hold public figures more accountable because the public is watching and tweeting about them" there is this giant back screen displaying a live tweet feed happening and NO ONE is paying attention to the speakers. The audience is posting insults about everything on the feed! it was really distracting and rude but really, kinda funny and entertaining because the Brits are major trash-talkers.

This one speaker, Tom Watson, was the first MP to blog and he loves playing games on facebook and says some rad stuff like this is actually the first TV campaign for Britain! Literally, they never had tv debates before!!! it's insane~ ok, while he's talking I get a BRILLIANT idea:

1. My friend is fundraising for her politician
2. Tom mentions he plays videogames on facebook
3. My boyfriend's social gaming company makes money on microtransactions from facebook videogames

So all of that lead me to think why don't these politicians fund raise via microtransactions from their supporters on social networking sites? BRILLIANT!!!

I want to ask Tom this, but I freak out in public speaking. So I'm sitting there pressuring my friend to ask my question since that's her job...she won't.

So I wait until the presentation ends to go up to Tom Watson and I ask him my question/tell him my brilliant idea he lights up! He said no one does that and that's a great idea and I should use it.

So I said I would love to and told him to give me a job.

No, I just said that I don't work in politics, but I'm proud to meet a politician who gives me and validates my good ideas. In the end, we both are obviously stupidly happy with this epiphany, he shakes my hand, and I leave thinking he'll use this on his campaign and satisfied with what I accomplish on my vacation.

Good News

Guess who got engaged....


(Click here to find out.)

excuse me, that's my red swingline stapler.

I'm not in love with my job. I treat it as a paycheck and it makes me miserable for all the right reasons:

I feel I'm trapped due to a bad economy. management laid off 99% of my favorite co-workers. I get paid less than the day I started (2 years ago), yet I have way way more responsibilities. It's a dead end job because I'm about to hit my glass-ceiling. I'm highly under appreciated and it shows when people are rude and aggressive towards me, yet management doesn't care to regulate said unprofessional behavior. So basically it stinks!

Moreover, there's this one person who is my office nemesis. She's a compulsive interrupter, talks non-stop about herself, doesn't listen to others, takes credit for my ideas, and makes several anti-Semitic remarks (management hasn't done anything about this either). I must be a saint for saving her life (I'm not even joking. i literally saved this girls life by rushing her to a Dr. all the while she was convulsing and had shallow, short, almost non-existent breathing patterns!! i find it hard to believe she'd return the favor.)

So I've hatched this evil plan for when I finally move on from this job.

This is not like setting the office building on fire, but when I leave I'll reset all her phone's auto-dial buttons to sexy 900 numbers, or the like. Since no one knows about this VOIP system that I control, I think they'll have a hard time figuring out how to reprogram.

I know, it's juvenile, but i gotta have a little fun when i leave, right?

this will make you pee your pants

If you like to read the twitter, "shit my dad says", then you'll like my friend's new blog, mama's mouth words.

Totally Awesome!

JOD

I'm just pumping these blogs out lately!

So my brother and i have this thing we call the JOD (Joke Of the Day) to help break up the drudgery of the workday.

His JOD to me 8jan10:

my law school friend and neighbor married a tall, tight-body blonde; kind of a butter face. she's sweet. i like her.

her facebook status: i told my coworker i love my new hdtv and he said it's good i didn't get an hd mirror.

REUHHHHHEUUUDDDD (sound it out).

One of my other favorites is a few years old, but it's also yet to be realized...:

A few years back my brother and i were hanging out and he said that he couldn't wait until his friend Mark Wang proposes to his girlfriend.

I'm like that's sweet, but why do you care?

He said that he has a killer engagement gift for them.

Me: oh yeah? what's that?

Him: Well, you should know that Mark's girlfriend's name is Mai (pronounced "My") and I'm gonna make them custom matching tee shirts with her full married name printed on it, "Mai Wang", except on hers will be an arrow pointing up at her face, and on his will be an arrow pointing down toward his belt.

and i thought my friend RdR had a good married name (which is totally a palindrome)!

Happy Birthdays!

i gotta give some shout outs to some of my peeps for turning another year older:

1. Nana - She's the freshest fly girl i know. (it's like 1992, right?) but really, if there's one person whom i admire or could call a role model, it's my nana. she's so worldly, regal, loving, and provides sage advice packaged in long-winded meandering stories, yet is so down to earth that she repeats chris rock's dirty jokes.

2. Cara - love this girl. She embodies the true meaning of a pillar of strength, trust and honesty. When she says something she means it and will always follows through- be that with work, her relationships, and her emotions. Plus, she's a freaking nutjob. i love goofing off with her (and her mom).

3. Earl - Nana's husband. the man who introduced me to the Manhattan (he always orders one with his dinner). he's a stoic and dry-witted talented artist. what a great man for nana because he's quite calm compared to her neurotically sensitive personality. (Similar to my relationship with my "beau").

So my love goes out to these wonderful people in my life. Happy birthday to you all. you make it really easy for me to remember your bdays by being born within 24 hours of one another (well plus or minus a few years too).

CreepSauce

When I hit puberty I started to struggle with my weight. I was never overweight, but I wasn't one of those enviable/confident/sexy teenagers that all boys wanted and girls wanted to be. At the time it created dissonance within me; while I wished I was sexier, I found security in not receiving unwanted attention. This way I could be flirty and fun but it wouldn't be misinterpreted and taken to a weird unmanageable level. I wasn't always happy that I couldn't just get any guy, but in retrospect I did date a few great boys and it worked out just fine.

Finally in my 20s I came into my own and decided to recreate myself. I lost 20 lbs. and managed to keep it off. I still struggle with my pear-shaped "problem areas", but I'm the only one who seems to be bothered by this. Ironically my least favorite body parts, my booty and hips, get all sorts of positive attention from men and women-- I'm like the Jewish Kim Kardashian. I've been holla'd at multiple times by some randoms on the street, including my favorite where I was told to "fish tail it gurrrl". Think about it.....

So all of this weight management comes with hard work. I eat what I want, but I usually count calories and work out on a regular. I keep a caloric-management profile on livestrong.com and today I received a total creepsauce note from what looks to be a born-again-ESL-troglodyte-spam-mailer who finds me "worthy of a friendship". the weird thing is that my one pic on that site is of my toilet. (eating disorders are not funny... so I'm told).

From: precious00
Date Sent: Dec 30, 2009
Subject: Hello Dear,
Hello Dear,I saw your nice profile,at [livestrong.com] and something motivated me to communicate with you'i found you worthy of acceptance and godly;My Dear in your usual time may it pleases you to write me back in email address[preciousweah@hotmail.fr]So that i can send you my pictures and also tell you more about myself.A friendship is the foundation build on other relative things to come.May God bless you as i wait impatiently to hear from you. Your lonely friend,precious.

Golden Birthday!

welcome to the final year missy! 365 days until you're officially too old to trust.

is nothing sacred?

i was maybe 10 or 11 years old visiting my dad's sided of the family in LA when we passed the time to see a little weird movie that changed my life. This movie is titled Drop Dead Fred. I was so moved by the picture that my memories from the day are more vivid than those from yesterday. I recall leaving the theater, jumping onto a fountain's ledge, dancing and rejoicing with fulfilled amusement. From there we all walked to an italian deli where the adults got fancy coffee drinks and the kids got some delicious international treats.

The title character played by Rik Mayall went on to be one of my favorite comedians of all time when I rediscovered him in The Young Ones as a young teenager (they used to play reruns on Comedy Central when i was maybe 13.)

Well, the most uninspiring and unimaginative industry, current-day hollywood, is ruining the classic tale of a woman trying to regain her confidence via her destructive childhood imaginary friend. They're casting that annoying prat named Russel Brand who will never be anything close to the obnoxious googly-eyed visionary that is Rik Mayall. Although the original was critically known as a flop, I predict the remake will never ever make it to cult status.

All i have to say is that Snotface better rebel and stop the dog poo from getting all over the silver screen.