Wikipedia: Kathoey. Can We Have Gender Equality?
Throughout life males and females of all cultures experience gender stereotypes. It is no secret that cultures’ collective attitudes are perpetuated through gender based comments and behaviors. However, gender discrepancies vary depending on the culture and era’s zeitgeist. Still, no matter how much we recognize gender stereotype’s falsehoods, the collective unconscious attitudes still exist and maintain a stronghold of even the most seemingly progressive gender-neutral people.
Cognitively people like to categorize and define anything in life. It helps one to understand a potentially chaotic world by creating patterns and expectations. When expectations are met, it allows us to react efficiently and appropriately, and most importantly, it sets our emotions at ease. This includes compartmentalizing human beings. The day we are born, people treat and teach us our gender roles based on our respective sex. Children pick up on this information easily and prefer to gender stereotype. For example, when I was a child in the 1980s, I was watching MTV and was confused by Boy George. My mother tried her best to put in layman’s terms that Boy George is, in fact, a boy, but likes to dress up like a girl. Still not grasping the novel concept, she attempted to set my mind at ease by stating that Boy George is confused and that I am not. My mom knew Boy George was not confused, but later told me that kids first try to grasp life’s fundamentals before they experience and learn the exceptions to the rules. She believed that at my age I would have a very hard time understanding this concept, but knew as I matured, I would understand Boy George was comfortable portraying to the world his gender-bending personality. This is when I realized gender roles are learned and perpetuated by society. Sex is fixed; gender is fluid. Sex is universal; gender is contextual. Sex is nature; gender is nurture. Not everyone has to fit into society’s gender molds. Still, people learn by compartmentalization, and when patterns are interrupted, they become uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. It is a threat to their basic understanding of the world and to society because it interrupts the collective unconscious. This is why gender bending is so shocking. However, it does not have to be if we are taught early on not to define sex by gender-specified behaviors.
I was a teenager during the 1990s in America when girls did not have to fit into a feminine role. Riot Grrrl music was on the rise, Grunge was slowly fading out but women were still attractive by being androgynous, dirtier, and exude a masculine edge. Although it was generally accepted at this time to be a girl who acted like a boy, I wished I were a boy instead. Firstly, I thought because masculinity was projected by both genders in pop culture, then being feminine or a girl was undesirable. Secondly, and most importantly, I witnessed how boys were respected to finish thoughts in conversations by not being interrupted. In spite of this, my mom continuously tried to change me. Instead of wearing baggy jeans, she preferred I dress more femininely, set my hair in curlers as she did as a teenager, and wear more makeup. I rebelled. I explained that if a guy was attracted to me, or if I were to receive any respect, it would be because of my intellect and wit, not my appearance. She rebutted that first impressions are the gateway to respect and guys are attracted to women first by their beauty, then you keep them with your intellect and wit. Later on I discovered that maybe there was some truth to her statement. I noticed I received more positive attention when I feminized my appearance. That was when I decided to change. I wanted that attention from society, so I had to learn how to give society what they preferred, a more feminine looking woman. From this, I further questioned why getting what I wanted from society meant I needed to fit into what society wanted from me.
Why do Americans prefer to seek traditional gender roles and marginalize the few instead of accepting all? Why is it that gender differences plague adults in the way men are supposed to be strong leaders and women dependent on them? For example, my friend Rosy received pejorative criticism about the course of her life and she reacted sharply by stating, “I am a young, vivacious, attractive, well educated, and well-traveled woman. I have a B.A., I speak four languages, I’ve lived abroad, I’m a Fulbright fellow, I have a good job, I’m fully independent where I don’t have to rely on anyone for anything, and I have great relationships with family and friends. But none of that counts because I’m not married and I don’t have kids.” Rosy’s complaint is a frustrated reaction on how society perpetuates existing gender discrepancies and how they are valued. When American culture has come so far to allow women like Rosy to be as independent as a man is supposed to be, why is she still valued in a traditional way? I believe the answer lies in several psychological theories, including Evolutionary, Socio-Cultural, and Cognitive theories. Our primal instincts help us pick a proper mate, but not necessarily in matching us with someone youthful or healthy. Why are young men and women attracted to Mick Jagger - an aging, womanizing, ex-drug addict whose skin seemingly will drip off his skeleton? Instead, I believe evolution’s influence on cognition and society coincides so that we prefer to protect those who exemplify qualities we value. We favor people who fit into our schema, and are therefore nonthreatening. Although Jagger pushes boundaries, he has mass appeal because he exudes what we know as masculine by being confident, successful, and independent. Furthermore, the cultures that idolize Jagger also value personal expression. He follows these guidelines well and is therefore sexually desirable. Regardless, culture’s traditional gender roles may take generations to change or unlearn. Stereotypes are closely tied to identity and civilization’s survival, and unless it is taught early on, society might never fully change to gender neutrality.
One time in my life I valued males over females. As I matured, my schema shifted when I continued to question why gender differences mattered. I realized it perpetuates a culture’s existence. Traditions thrive because familiarity to our values is nonthreatening. So as long as we understand this, American society may change by not teaching and rewarding equating current gender characteristics with the respective sex. Hopefully gender equality will be valued instead.
