Beyond Our Conscious World

I studied abroad in England almost a decade ago where I encountered a funny little British elfish professor whose discourse mainly consisted of understanding the phenomenological mind and how it connects to the material world.  Needless to say at first it was a stretch for me to process these "new" ideas.  Then I recall the day it all clicked.  I was reading one of his books and seemingly out of nowhere I no longer struggled to understand his ideas.  It was the first course I took where I finally learned how to understand the material being taught.  My understanding went beyond concepts - I finally was thinking critically, metaphorically and attempting to apply it to my life.  Without knowing it this professor opened my eyes and mind to philosophy of psychology.  There is a world beyond our own and we impact one another in ways which we can not process without disclosure or extreme hyper awareness which is basically impossible.  Anyway, he'll never know how grateful I am as I venture to become a psychotherapist (and maybe one day a psychologist).

Thank you Dr. M. Velmans!

Max Velmans from Jaguar Mary on Vimeo.

Prediction=True

Just as I predicted, Kate Middleton chose a more modest dress that covered her arms and bust, similar to the style of Grace Kelly.  Classic and very choice.
To see more of this coverage, click here.

Side note: Kate looks all smiles during the ceremony, what's wrong with Will?  Was his upper lip not limber enough to allow his British teeth to make an appearance, or was it something more than that?

First Paper

Wikipedia: Kathoey.

Can We Have Gender Equality?

Throughout life males and females of all cultures experience gender stereotypes. It is no secret that cultures’ collective attitudes are perpetuated through gender based comments and behaviors. However, gender discrepancies vary depending on the culture and era’s zeitgeist. Still, no matter how much we recognize gender stereotype’s falsehoods, the collective unconscious attitudes still exist and maintain a stronghold of even the most seemingly progressive gender-neutral people.

Cognitively people like to categorize and define anything in life. It helps one to understand a potentially chaotic world by creating patterns and expectations. When expectations are met, it allows us to react efficiently and appropriately, and most importantly, it sets our emotions at ease. This includes compartmentalizing human beings. The day we are born, people treat and teach us our gender roles based on our respective sex. Children pick up on this information easily and prefer to gender stereotype. For example, when I was a child in the 1980s, I was watching MTV and was confused by Boy George. My mother tried her best to put in layman’s terms that Boy George is, in fact, a boy, but likes to dress up like a girl. Still not grasping the novel concept, she attempted to set my mind at ease by stating that Boy George is confused and that I am not. My mom knew Boy George was not confused, but later told me that kids first try to grasp life’s fundamentals before they experience and learn the exceptions to the rules. She believed that at my age I would have a very hard time understanding this concept, but knew as I matured, I would understand Boy George was comfortable portraying to the world his gender-bending personality. This is when I realized gender roles are learned and perpetuated by society. Sex is fixed; gender is fluid. Sex is universal; gender is contextual. Sex is nature; gender is nurture. Not everyone has to fit into society’s gender molds. Still, people learn by compartmentalization, and when patterns are interrupted, they become uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. It is a threat to their basic understanding of the world and to society because it interrupts the collective unconscious. This is why gender bending is so shocking. However, it does not have to be if we are taught early on not to define sex by gender-specified behaviors.

I was a teenager during the 1990s in America when girls did not have to fit into a feminine role. Riot Grrrl music was on the rise, Grunge was slowly fading out but women were still attractive by being androgynous, dirtier, and exude a masculine edge. Although it was generally accepted at this time to be a girl who acted like a boy, I wished I were a boy instead. Firstly, I thought because masculinity was projected by both genders in pop culture, then being feminine or a girl was undesirable. Secondly, and most importantly, I witnessed how boys were respected to finish thoughts in conversations by not being interrupted. In spite of this, my mom continuously tried to change me. Instead of wearing baggy jeans, she preferred I dress more femininely, set my hair in curlers as she did as a teenager, and wear more makeup. I rebelled. I explained that if a guy was attracted to me, or if I were to receive any respect, it would be because of my intellect and wit, not my appearance. She rebutted that first impressions are the gateway to respect and guys are attracted to women first by their beauty, then you keep them with your intellect and wit. Later on I discovered that maybe there was some truth to her statement. I noticed I received more positive attention when I feminized my appearance. That was when I decided to change. I wanted that attention from society, so I had to learn how to give society what they preferred, a more feminine looking woman. From this, I further questioned why getting what I wanted from society meant I needed to fit into what society wanted from me.

Why do Americans prefer to seek traditional gender roles and marginalize the few instead of accepting all? Why is it that gender differences plague adults in the way men are supposed to be strong leaders and women dependent on them? For example, my friend Rosy received pejorative criticism about the course of her life and she reacted sharply by stating, “I am a young, vivacious, attractive, well educated, and well-traveled woman. I have a B.A., I speak four languages, I’ve lived abroad, I’m a Fulbright fellow, I have a good job, I’m fully independent where I don’t have to rely on anyone for anything, and I have great relationships with family and friends. But none of that counts because I’m not married and I don’t have kids.” Rosy’s complaint is a frustrated reaction on how society perpetuates existing gender discrepancies and how they are valued. When American culture has come so far to allow women like Rosy to be as independent as a man is supposed to be, why is she still valued in a traditional way? I believe the answer lies in several psychological theories, including Evolutionary, Socio-Cultural, and Cognitive theories. Our primal instincts help us pick a proper mate, but not necessarily in matching us with someone youthful or healthy. Why are young men and women attracted to Mick Jagger - an aging, womanizing, ex-drug addict whose skin seemingly will drip off his skeleton? Instead, I believe evolution’s influence on cognition and society coincides so that we prefer to protect those who exemplify qualities we value. We favor people who fit into our schema, and are therefore nonthreatening. Although Jagger pushes boundaries, he has mass appeal because he exudes what we know as masculine by being confident, successful, and independent. Furthermore, the cultures that idolize Jagger also value personal expression. He follows these guidelines well and is therefore sexually desirable. Regardless, culture’s traditional gender roles may take generations to change or unlearn. Stereotypes are closely tied to identity and civilization’s survival, and unless it is taught early on, society might never fully change to gender neutrality.

One time in my life I valued males over females. As I matured, my schema shifted when I continued to question why gender differences mattered. I realized it perpetuates a culture’s existence. Traditions thrive because familiarity to our values is nonthreatening. So as long as we understand this, American society may change by not teaching and rewarding equating current gender characteristics with the respective sex. Hopefully gender equality will be valued instead.

is life really what you make it?

I have a theory on life. Yes, I'm about "get all meta" on you, as my boyfriend would say.

The theory is best described through the example of the "Choose Your Own Adventure" (CYOA) books that were popular with pre-adolescent boys in the 1980s. These books began like any other book, giving the reader a buildup to a story. When the plot starts to form, the reader "creates their own tale" by choosing an option of how they would like to proceed in the novel. For example, if the protagonist comes to a fork in the road, the reader is given the choice to go left or go right. If they want to go left, then turn to page 99; if you choose to turn right, turn to page 74. From there, the reader will continue a storyline and proceed like this throughout the book until they either end up happily ever after, or die. More often than not they die. But the point is that the reader actively creates their own fate and discovers the consequences already predetermined by the text.

Like the CYOA books, I believe that we all have the choice and act of free will to do anything in our lives, however there are predetermined outcomes for these actions. an endless variety of fates, if you will.

I came to this hypothesis when I was the most hyper-aware and happy in my life. I started to notice that there were several small reoccurring coincidences. This I found to be almost like "markers" letting me know that I was on the right track to live out a "happily ever after" destiny instead of winding up miserable or dead.

I bring this up because my friend has a new man in her life. Not that's huge news for those who don't know her, but there might be a reason outside of her own control on why this happened and here's the coincidence to explain:

My friend's mother bought my friend some peonies the other day, just because. sweet huh? well, a few days later my friend tells me the news that she and this new guy are on a good track. So far, no coincidence to speak of. Then today, I happened upon this article about how Peonies are the flower that will bring you love. I don't want to say that this is her future husband, but I think she is on the right track right now for a relaxed and enjoyable romance that will make her happy.

What do you think? Is there some truth to my CYOA theory?

Zee Germans beat me at my own game!

About a year ago when my boyfriend started working in social video gaming I came up with a really great game idea: A homeless game (it didn't have to be for social sites). The bf was intrigued and wanted to learn more.

Over a romantic dinner we talked all about the details: As the gamer, you are a bum living on the street. Your goal is to stay alive, but you'll have a hard time reaching any success. You can do things like try to avoid drugs, or score drugs, find and keep a dog companion, make sure your possessions don't get stolen while you sleep, find and keep sleeping arrangements, figure out how to make money, etc. you get the picture. I provided the ideas and he relayed how it can be practical in relation to game theory. In the end this was a strategy-driven game and a social-commentary on how the other half live.

Well, turns out that the pessimists are right: no one has a unique thought.

To my dismay, a new hobo game has been released by some German company. It's a social role-playing game called "Street Rivals" where you're a bum and you can fight other bums, recycle bottles, and go dumpster diving.

Ugh. I'm so BUMMED! I wish the bf and I produced my game first! Well, maybe there's a chance since the two aren't exactly alike but have similar premises? What do you think?

I think on vacation

You know how you go on vacation and you typically sight-see, party, chill whatever...
You know what I do? I go to networking events and talk to local politicians, that's what I do, sukka!

But it's a better story than that:

My longtime friend from college, who now lives in the UK, is in charge of finding the funds for this one rich socialite power lesbian's new political campaign in London called, "The Commons." The politician is a highly motivated 25-year-old who has no idea what she's really doing, but she has the courage, verve, and optimism to do it anyway. You know the kind? ugh.

I spent that afternoon visiting my friend, doing the typical vacation things (drinking, eating, catching up on life stories) and before too long she has to head to a networking event for work and I decide to join her. She sneaks me in, and I make my way around the cocktail hour telling people that I can't do anything to bolster their careers because I'm an American on holiday. It seemed to break the ice on small talk at least.

After chit-chat, we made our way into the adjacent auditorium where there is a panel of speakers. The topic is how internet's social networking sites (i.e. Twitter, Facebook) are being used in their elections. One panel speaker is an American from the Obama campaign, the rest are Brits, two of whom are MPs (The equivalent of our US Senators, but much more outlandishly rude in the House of Commons).

While the panel is talking about things like "Social sites hold public figures more accountable because the public is watching and tweeting about them" there is this giant back screen displaying a live tweet feed happening and NO ONE is paying attention to the speakers. The audience is posting insults about everything on the feed! it was really distracting and rude but really, kinda funny and entertaining because the Brits are major trash-talkers.

This one speaker, Tom Watson, was the first MP to blog and he loves playing games on facebook and says some rad stuff like this is actually the first TV campaign for Britain! Literally, they never had tv debates before!!! it's insane~ ok, while he's talking I get a BRILLIANT idea:

1. My friend is fundraising for her politician
2. Tom mentions he plays videogames on facebook
3. My boyfriend's social gaming company makes money on microtransactions from facebook videogames

So all of that lead me to think why don't these politicians fund raise via microtransactions from their supporters on social networking sites? BRILLIANT!!!

I want to ask Tom this, but I freak out in public speaking. So I'm sitting there pressuring my friend to ask my question since that's her job...she won't.

So I wait until the presentation ends to go up to Tom Watson and I ask him my question/tell him my brilliant idea he lights up! He said no one does that and that's a great idea and I should use it.

So I said I would love to and told him to give me a job.

No, I just said that I don't work in politics, but I'm proud to meet a politician who gives me and validates my good ideas. In the end, we both are obviously stupidly happy with this epiphany, he shakes my hand, and I leave thinking he'll use this on his campaign and satisfied with what I accomplish on my vacation.