excuse me, that's my red swingline stapler.

I'm not in love with my job. I treat it as a paycheck and it makes me miserable for all the right reasons:

I feel I'm trapped due to a bad economy. management laid off 99% of my favorite co-workers. I get paid less than the day I started (2 years ago), yet I have way way more responsibilities. It's a dead end job because I'm about to hit my glass-ceiling. I'm highly under appreciated and it shows when people are rude and aggressive towards me, yet management doesn't care to regulate said unprofessional behavior. So basically it stinks!

Moreover, there's this one person who is my office nemesis. She's a compulsive interrupter, talks non-stop about herself, doesn't listen to others, takes credit for my ideas, and makes several anti-Semitic remarks (management hasn't done anything about this either). I must be a saint for saving her life (I'm not even joking. i literally saved this girls life by rushing her to a Dr. all the while she was convulsing and had shallow, short, almost non-existent breathing patterns!! i find it hard to believe she'd return the favor.)

So I've hatched this evil plan for when I finally move on from this job.

This is not like setting the office building on fire, but when I leave I'll reset all her phone's auto-dial buttons to sexy 900 numbers, or the like. Since no one knows about this VOIP system that I control, I think they'll have a hard time figuring out how to reprogram.

I know, it's juvenile, but i gotta have a little fun when i leave, right?